Dearest Suzie

An Interview with Suzie

May 10th, 2025  |  1 hr 2 mins

1960s america, addiction and family, american families, american memory, archival preservation, army wife, asbestos industry, base life, catholic upbringing, childhood in the 1950s, culture shock, dearest suzie, ethnographic interview, family interview, family legacy, family resilience, family storytelling, fort benning, fort bragg, fort ord, fort rucker, generational struggles, grandmother interview, helicopter pilot family, historical memory, historical podcast, hungarian american, inherit the stories, intergenerational trauma, legacy projects, love and loss, manville new jersey, marriage and war, memory and myth, mental health history, mental illness stigma, military deployment, military family, military spouse, munich germany, oral history, personal history, postwar america, ptsd, public anthropology, raising kids alone, remembering the past, sanford florida, shock therapy, small town america, southeast us history, southern and northern cultures, veteran family, veteran reflections, vietnam letters, vietnam war, war at home, women in war, working class families

In this special episode of Dearest Suzie, we step away from the battlefield and into the memory, voice, and wisdom of the woman who saved the letters. Recorded over Zoom, this episode features a heartfelt conversation with my grandmother, Susan “Mema” Lowie, about her life before, during, and after the Vietnam War. It’s a deeply personal portrait of a woman whose love, strength, and honesty made this entire project possible.

Mema talks candidly about her childhood in Manville, New Jersey, her parents’ struggles with mental illness and alcoholism, and her early marriage to Bill “Popi” Lowie. Together we revisit the places they lived—Fort Bragg, Fort Ord, Munich—and the years she raised three young boys while Popi flew missions in Vietnam. We talk about memory, marriage, the lingering cost of war, and what it means to tell the truth, even when it hurts.

This interview is about the things we inherit that aren't always written down: silence, resilience, pain, and love.

Episode 088: 1965-05-08 | Showing Off

May 8th, 2025  |  7 mins 52 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes from Vietnam with a mix of weariness, routine, and yearning. It’s May 8, 1965, and while most of his day is spent giving instrument instruction and catching up with familiar faces over lunch, the heart of the letter lies in a quiet reflection about home. Suzie is planning a summer trip with the boys, and Popi wishes he could be there to go with them — not to stop them, but to be part of the picture. To show off the boys. And to show off himself, just a little.

It’s a touching moment of vulnerability and pride, the kind that many soldiers tucked into letters during wartime. For Popi, returning home isn’t just about leaving the war behind, it’s about stepping back into a world where he’s more than a pilot or a platoon officer. He’s a dad. A husband. A man with stories, scars, and medals who still wants to feel like he belongs in a normal, peaceful life.

Throughout the letter, he also touches on practical matters, insurance payments, gifts for the kids, the possibility of shirts instead of jackets, and checks in on friends and family who haven’t written back. But the emotional center is clear: he misses his family deeply and longs for the simple joy of being together again, proud and whole.

Episode 087: 1965-05-07 | Fish, Pharmaceuticals, & Phil Pt. 2

May 7th, 2025  |  8 mins 54 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In today’s episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes during a quiet afternoon, though the tone is edged with tension. The Viet Cong have been growing more active, and six helicopters from his platoon were damaged in a recent attack, yet thankfully, no one was hurt. Between missions and radio static, he’s listening to “Country Corner” on AFN and teasing Suzie about her clumsy bleach mishap. As always, the letter ends with love, longing, and a kiss saved just for her.

But much of today’s episode focuses on the second installment of "Fish, Pharmaceuticals, & Phil," a deeply personal narrative outside of Vietnam, told across several episodes this month. This part of the story picks up with Jessica, a woman struggling with mental illness, addiction, and motherhood. When tragedy forces her chaotic home life into the care of extended family, we witness how well-meaning relatives like Tim and Lisa face impossible decisions during the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s a story about family, survival, and the limits of love, told with empathy, complexity, and unflinching honesty.

Episode 086: 1965-05-05 | Finding Popi’s Camera

May 5th, 2025  |  10 mins 27 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, we hear from Popi as the rainy season begins in Vinh Long. His letter is calm, full of updates from a quiet day — a trip to the range, a short note about mailing gifts, and a few thoughts on the Hong Kong R&R he’s decided not to take. The real excitement in today’s letter, though, comes when he casually mentions picking up something new for himself: a camera. It might not seem like much at first. But for this podcast, for this project, that camera is a big deal.

In today’s episode, I tell the story of how I tracked down Popi’s original camera model. What began with a grainy black-and-white photo and a dead end at the family’s digital point-and-shoot eventually turned into a multi-month search through online forums, PX catalog archives, and military issue equipment lists, all of it in pursuit of a single, tangible object: the same kind of camera Popi once held in his hands while serving in Vietnam.

Thanks to a bit of luck (and a surprisingly helpful conversation with ChatGPT), I finally identified it as a Petri 7s, a compact 35mm rangefinder camera from the early 1960s. In this episode, I break down what made the Petri 7s so popular and why it was the perfect tool for a soldier who wanted to capture moments in between missions.

Episode 085: 1965-05-04 | Fish, Pharmaceuticals, & Phil Pt. 1

May 4th, 2025  |  8 mins 47 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, we hear from Popi on May 4, 1965, as he responds to three letters from Suzie and shares how much he loved the photos of the boys. There’s no mission report today, no combat update — just a quiet letter about family, missed birthdays, and the difficulty of shopping for gifts in a place where anything nice has to be specially made. He’s still hoping for new photos of Brett and Suzie, still counting down the months, and still trying to be a thoughtful husband and father from a world away.

But today’s episode is different.

With little to comment on in the letter, I begin the first installment of a personal essay I wrote, titled "Fish, Pharmaceuticals, & Phil." Across the quieter days this month, I’ll be sharing pieces of it — a true story about class, mental illness, intergenerational trauma, and the complicated ties that hold people together. It begins at an upscale restaurant in suburban Florida, during the birthday dinner of a woman named Mary — a second-generation American grandmother with deep family roots and a life shaped by both love and regret. Her request? That I write to Dr. Phil on behalf of her granddaughter. What follows is the beginning of that request, and the family history behind it.

Episode 084: 1965-05-02 | Navy Bombers

May 2nd, 2025  |  6 mins 40 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes from a quiet day in the air, flying support for a Navy bombing run. From his Huey, he watches jets drop 500-pound bombs across the landscape — a moment that sparks reflection on the uneasy collaboration between different branches of the U.S. military during the Vietnam War.

While Popi’s experience might seem routine, his letter reveals the layered complexity of joint operations, where Army gunships like his flew beneath Navy aircraft like the A-1 Skyraider or A-6 Intruder, all while navigating different chains of command. These overlapping strategies didn’t always align, and Popi’s story reminds us how ordinary soldiers had to adapt to a constantly shifting, often siloed war effort.

All Episodes, April 1965

May 1st, 2025  |  1 hr 20 mins

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this special episode of Dearest Suzie, we look back on the April 1965 letters from Bill Lowie—a month defined by loss, guilt, long stretches of boredom, and small moments of unexpected joy. Now firmly settled into his new role with the Cobras, Popi spent April flying missions that ranged from uneventful to harrowing, often with little warning as to which kind the day would bring.

Early in the month, Popi wrote about grieving the death of fellow pilots and struggling to make sense of a war that never quite felt like it was being won. By the end of the month, he was writing through tears, haunted by a mission gone wrong that left two close friends dead—one of them killed while following Popi’s request for help. In what is perhaps the most heartbreaking letter of the series so far, Popi admits to feeling responsible and writes to Suzie not as a husband reporting home, but as a man unburdening his conscience.

But April wasn’t only sorrow. It also brought new photos, monkeys learning to swim, plans for R&R in Hong Kong, and a custom Italian silk suit. He received the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry and mailed home a short-timer’s calendar counting down the days until his return. April is the month the war starts to feel heavy. Not just dangerous, but exhausting. It’s the month Popi’s steady voice begins to crack—not because he’s weak, but because he’s still human.

Episode 083: 1965-04-30 | Cry On Their Shoulder

April 30th, 2025  |  7 mins 1 sec

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes home after what he calls a "better outcome" in the field. A large Viet Cong weapons cache has been captured, and while the victory lifts spirits briefly, there’s no triumph in his tone — just exhaustion. One day before, he witnessed the death of a friend during a failed recovery mission. Now, he’s trying to hold it together, sharing a short-timer’s calendar with Suzie and quietly admitting he’s still unraveling.

Alongside the war updates, he shares a story about Charlie the monkey, who injured himself trying to eat razor blades and panicked at the medic’s touch. It’s a strangely fitting metaphor for the moment — everyone a little more fragile than usual, just trying to survive.

Episode 082: 1965-04-29 | The Worst Letter

April 29th, 2025  |  7 mins 17 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, we reach a letter that many in my family consider the most difficult to read. Dated April 29, 1965, this letter doesn’t relay an ordinary mission or a humorous aside. It’s a moment of personal reckoning. Popi writes in the aftermath of a mission that left two of his friends dead — and he blames himself.

The day had started as a rare break. He planned to rest, write home, maybe sit in the sun. But a call from Operations changed that. An American captain had been injured, and Popi was sent out to help retrieve him. What followed was a chaotic and dangerous situation, one where friendlies and enemies were too close together to fire safely. When he couldn’t complete the mission alone, he asked another friend — an American advisor named Kelly — to try with ARVN and APCs. Kelly agreed. He didn’t make it back.

This letter isn’t about combat in the traditional sense. It’s about guilt. About what it means to give an order and wonder if you made the wrong call. Popi had flown hundreds of missions by this point. But this one stayed with him. It’s clear that, even as he wrote to Suzie, he was trying to make sense of what had happened. Or at least find a way to live with it.

Episode 081: 1965-04-26 | Military Industrial Complexities

April 26th, 2025  |  7 mins 41 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode, Popi writes after a long day chasing Viet Cong forces through the heat. His tone is dry, understated, tired. He asks about the boys, about birthday parties and photographs, about sizes and gifts and letters never received. In his own words, the work is “not boring, really, but not something that you can write home about.” And yet — there’s so much to say.

This episode steps outside the frame of the letter to explore what President Eisenhower once called the military-industrial complex — a system in which war becomes not just a national effort, but a business. In the years between Eisenhower’s warning and Popi’s deployment, the United States began to lean heavily on private industry to maintain its war footing. Helicopter manufacturers like Bell, chemical producers like Dow and Monsanto, and aerospace giants like Lockheed and McDonnell Douglas turned Vietnam into a proving ground — and a payday.

Popi never names those companies. He doesn’t have to. He lived the consequences. He flew the equipment. He sweated in the flak jackets. He launched the rockets and burned the fuel. Every piece of his daily life was connected to a profit margin somewhere — to a factory, a contract, a congressional vote. And in his silence, in his frustration, we hear the other side of that machine. Not the boardrooms. The mud. The boredom. The waiting.

Episode 080: 1965-04-24 | Swimming Monkeys

April 24th, 2025  |  6 mins 12 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode, Popi writes on a sweltering day in Vinh Long, where the only mission was beating the heat. With no combat updates or news from the front, today’s letter slows down, offering a glimpse of life in between the action, where even the monkeys are desperate for relief.

From Easter reflections to tales of Charlie and Doll’s makeshift swimming pool, Popi captures a rare moment of levity. Doll, it turns out, loves the water. Charlie wants nothing to do with it. And Popi? He’s already spent his payday on a silk suit and is dreaming about a week away — not because he has plans, but because “it’s not Vietnam.”

Episode 079: 1965-04-23 | The Nuclear Option

April 23rd, 2025  |  6 mins 12 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes on April 23, 1965 after finally receiving a long-awaited letter from home. He reflects on family updates, a recent alert mission that came too late, and yet another upcoming awards ceremony — this one to add four oak leaf clusters to his Air Medal. In the same week, American military leaders in Honolulu approved a shift in Vietnam strategy — what came to be known as the "enclave strategy" — aiming to limit U.S. ground operations to a 50-mile radius around key coastal cities. But on the ground, the Viet Cong didn’t follow boundaries, and the plan quickly fell apart.

Two days later, Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara ignited controversy when he suggested, in an off-the-record press briefing, that nuclear weapons weren’t off the table in Vietnam. Though paraphrased by reporters, the message was clear: the U.S. was willing to escalate if needed. The backlash came quickly. At the United Nations, Soviet Ambassador Nikolai Fedorenko condemned the remarks, warning that the U.S. risked repeating the “indelible shame” of Hiroshima.

Episode 078: 1965-04-21 | The Viet Cong Rest Area

April 21st, 2025  |  9 mins 40 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes on April 21, 1965, during a lull in operations. The letter itself is quiet — just a few notes about office renovations, a short range trip, and his ongoing frustration with the mail system. Still, even in a slow week, he finds ways to stay connected to home. He ends the letter with a simple dream: when he returns, he wants to pack up the family, grab a few fishing poles, and spend a day down by a creek doing nothing but relaxing together.

Today’s episode includes a special archival reading from the Chicago Tribune, which published a piece mentioning Popi a month after this letter was written. It offers a rare glimpse into the public-facing version of the war — the kind of article that hometown papers might run, describing missions in sweeping terms and sometimes including photos of the men involved. Popi makes a passing mention of this in his postscript, asking Suzie to keep an eye on the Orlando newspapers. “Our Information Officer sends a lot of pictures of us to our hometown papers,” he says, as if he knows just how far from home he feels.

Episode 077: 1965-04-19 | Some Old Friends

April 19th, 2025  |  6 mins 27 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi returns from two nights of R and R in Saigon and slips into an easy rhythm of gossip and small comforts. There are no firefights in this letter. Instead we get pizza in the city, an afternoon at the Saigon Zoo, and late‑night stories with old friends like Al Guthrie and Fox. He even chuckles at the news that a new helicopter company packed with familiar personalities will arrive at the end of the month.

Beneath the banter sits a quieter truth. Time is dragging. Mail has been sporadic. Popi is counting the days. Listing names and memories is a way to keep the hours moving and to feel tethered to a life beyond the base.

Episode 076: 1965-04-17 | People of the Landscape

April 17th, 2025  |  6 mins 32 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi’s letter from April 17, 1965 takes us to a medal ceremony in Bạc Liêu, where he receives the South Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry. The moment should feel triumphant, yet his tone is subdued. He stands in the heat, listens while his citation is read in Vietnamese, and has a wreath placed around his neck by young women in traditional clothing. For Popi, it is another box checked before two nights of R and R in Saigon.

Using this brief letter as a springboard, the episode looks at how war creates ceremonies that can seem disconnected from daily reality. What do medals mean when the recipient is exhausted and counting days until home? Why do local civilians appear only as backdrops in official rituals? And how do these choreographed moments sit beside funerals for friends lost just days earlier?

Episode 075: 1965-04-15 | The Cross of Gallantry

April 15th, 2025  |  5 mins 4 secs

1960s war correspondence, army, army history, arvn, asia, aviation, aviation history, bangkok, civil war, family history podcast, grandfather’s vietnam war letters, helicopter pilot, helicopter pilot war stories, huey, legacy of vietnam veterans, letters from vietnam, military, military history, military history podcast, personal vietnam war archive, pleiku, saigon, vc, veteran stories, viet cong, vietnam veteran memoirs, vietnam war, vietnam war diary, vietnam war letters, vietnam war oral history, vietnam war personal accounts, vietnam war photo archive, vinh long, war, war correspondence

In this episode of Dearest Suzie, Popi writes on April 15, 1965, reflecting on another quiet day in Vietnam, a general escort mission, and his mounting boredom with downtime. He assumed that transferring to the Cobras would mean more time in the air, but instead, he's stuck in the long stretch of waiting — between missions, between letters, between homecomings.

But in the middle of this letter, almost as an aside, Popi mentions something unexpected. He’s been told to report to Bac Lieu to receive the South Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry. “Don’t ask me why I’m getting it,” he writes. “I have no idea.” What he leaves unspoken is that this award, officially called the Anh Dũng Bội Tinh, was one of South Vietnam’s highest honors — the equivalent of the Bronze Star — given to individuals who displayed exceptional bravery in combat.

Whether Popi knew the specific reason or not, the letter gives us a glimpse into how casually many servicemen received these commendations. Sometimes medals were handed out in batches, sometimes quietly suggested by a superior officer. But even if the record-keeping was informal, the courage was real.